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Love relationships: prospects in a digitized society

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The sociologist Eva Illouz called it a ” society of choice “. The latter is none other than the world we live in today, full of possibilities even in the field of love. Wallace, on the other hand, defines it as a ” shopping mentality “, and this is what happens with the numerous applications and online sites where you virtually know people for whom, if you are not satisfied, there is immediately an alternative .

 

There are many authors and philosophers who have defined the human being as a social animal , naturally inclined to seek a link with the rest of the world. However, in a digitized society the ways in which people try to fill this need have also changed. The way in which love relationships have changed is therefore important to understand what are the problems that can be faced and what are the strengths that could positively affect the construction of the emotional bond 

The “Society of Choice”

In recent decades, social networks have played a very important role in choosing a partner . Several surveys testify that to date new love relationships have been born mainly online , providing for a short period of distance knowledge which then leads to the establishment of a deep love story 

Yet, this mechanism is not free from problems , since the change compared to a few decades ago has been so radical as to have revolutionized relational perception in an abysmal way 

 

It is inevitable to notice how much the bars, squares and daily life of the real world no longer have space for the construction of human interactions , especially as regards love ones. Intimacy and human exchange are therefore incredibly different from the courtship phases of the past. 

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Just read a book by Jane Austen to realize how much the value system between one person and another has incredibly transformed. To date, we can in fact forget the long walks to tell about themselves courting gestures of affection through the word. This is the waste society and, again to quote the very famous Illouz, there also seems to be a rampant ” commitment phobia “, especially on the part of the male subject.

The frontier of dating apps

Applications like Tinder and online platforms give the illusion of infinite choice. It is enough to look at three or four photographs to get an idea of ​​a person’s life and consequently discard him or deliberately decide to try to get to know him. 

 

In doing so, all those natural steps are skipped for which human value meets that of the other, generating a worsening of what is called social speed , in which humans, like hamsters, move fast replacing what apparently doesn’t seem to like it. 

Another of the issues that the advent of social networks in the field of love forces us to face is also that of the need for recognition . In fact, love is also the selfish need to be seen by the other. 

What is clear is that human needs have not changed , but are being experienced from a completely new point of view. The revolution today is mainly expressed through a like , known as the new method of courtship par excellence. Placing a like means saying ” I’m finding you attractive ” and it’s the most effective way to get noticed. At the same time, the other person will be encouraged to post photographs of themselves in order to satisfy that natural need to be seen and feel important in the minds of others.

 

Lack of self esteem

Therefore, there is no longer that physical space in which the person is explored in its entirety, coming into contact with daily gestures and with a dialogue made up of question and answer in which the primordial essence of humanity is perceived 

Immersed in a place that has no distances but only virtual subjects , we have the impression of being surrounded by infinite people to get to know and consequently to discard . This inevitably leads us to create the society of the quick choice, in which all those characteristics that generate a difficulty at first impact are eliminated . The mechanism of quick choice, however, deprives human beings of that natural ability to manage the real dynamics of a relationship. 

Let’s think for example of a real meeting that is not going in the best way. When you realize that the other person doesn’t like it, you should manage that precise moment through the word. Yet, today we are no longer capable because the immediate discard allowed by social media helps us to avoid all these steps, however increasing the lack of self-esteem and self-determination in real life.

The shopping mentality is therefore a real problem that also includes the lack of training of empathy . If the “ effort ” to get to know a person is missing, a large part of the most human aspect is lost, with drastic consequences also with respect to sexuality and eroticism. 

Blocking someone with a simple click is a quick and easy way, which creates a radical change in the functioning of the human species , creating technologically advanced but individualistic people and unfortunately, more and more alone 

  • Complexity and fragility in online love relationships (stateofmind.it)
 

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